Wednesday

Unfortunately, expectations are not guarantees...


We constantly have to remind ourselves that expectations are not guarantees. How often have we wanted something so badly and when we fail to get it, it feels like we lost something tangible. It's as if the hope of the thing has value.

Someone close to me failed to earn an award that she was expecting to earn. She was understandably disappointed. However, then she said that she had expended so much effort, and was so convinced that she was going to earn it, that she had believed that she was entitled to the award. I thought that her reaction was the epitome of hubris. Then, I thought about it a little more.


There have been times in my life when I have convinced myself that I was entitled to a man, a job, or an opportunity. I recall a time when I had a wonderful date. I was convinced that the date was a foreshadowing to something great to come. When that date turned into another and another, I was absolutely convinced that he was mine. Then, one day it was over. It wasn't the right time. I was a great girl. The distance was too great. He was too busy with work. The reason didn't matter. Because despite the lack of any promise, his decision made be feel as if he had taken something for me. And I guess he did, he took away my hope in what might have been.

A couple of years ago, I tried out for The Apprentice. I made it past the first three steps and was selected for the Finals. They flew me out out to Los Angeles with forty nine (49) other contestants. We took exams--aptitude,physical and psychological. We had interviews. They were weeding out the weak to select the strongest cast.

Finally, we got to meet Mr. Trump and Mark Burnett. I made it past that stage. Then, the decision was down to four women. We were in front of Mr. Trump, Mark Burnett, the head of NBC and others again. One of us would be cut. At each stage of the process, I had become more confident. I became more convinced that I was going to make the show. I had convinced myself that it was my destiny. Well, as God would have it, I was cut. Initially, I was devastated. I could not comprehend how I didn't make it.

When I was in high school, I was in a beauty pageant. My hair was done. My smile was tight. My clothes were amazing. I believed that my preparedness entitled me to a victory. The fact that every girl came prepared to win was of no consequence. Well, I am sure that you've figured out that I lost again.

Until today, I had forgotten about how devastating loss feels. I need to contact my friend and apologize. I need let her know that I get it. I too have made the mistake of believing that somehow my expectations were guarantees. And each time I lose something that I believed that I was entitled to, it is equally as devastating.
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