One Secret to a Working Mom's Success: Keep Standing

Me, standing in Barbados Those of us who live our lives out loud on the internet subject ourselves to scrutiny. Some comment, "Nobody's life is perfect. These posts must be fake," Those making those comments might even be close to us because they "know our business" and they whisper and gossip and say, "she's so fake".  To those who may read my blog and make such comments, (the trolls) know that I hear you, see you, and completely disagree. 

Do We Need to Raise Woke Kids?



It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless. – L.R Knost


This has been a volatile summer in America. The protests and killings reminds me of what I heard of the 1960's. Yes, America has changed in some very positive ways, but there remains work to do. The question for Black parents becomes, how do we raise our children to pursue life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness in a country that doesn't appear to believe that their lives matter as much as everyone else's.

Like everybody, I have been somewhat overwhelmed by the social justice controversies in this country lately. The death of George Floyd was traumatic and the failure of the state of Kentucky to arrest Breonna Taylor's killers astounds me. In response, many Black parents have chosen to have, "The Talk" with their kids. "The Talk" is a specific conversation about racism and what it means to their lives. It is designed to educate and protect them. Contrary to popular opinion though, I have not had "The Talk" with my kids. (An example of what the talk entails from "Blackish".)

Here's why.

I have something  somewhat controversial to say. I don't think that my kids don't need to be woke, they need to be loved. They are 2, 6, and 9. It is my job to provide for them and protect them. And, while I recognize that doing those things aren't entirely within my control, that reality doesn't transfer my responsibility into their burden.

Why I am not having "the Talk" with my kids now.

As their mother, I don't think they have the maturity to handle "the talk" yet. Because of that, I keep them on a rather short leash.  
Kids enjoying ice creamFrom what I've read, my opinion tends to be in the minority. Many parents believe that educating their kids about the ways of the world, early, is not only important, it is necessary. I understand their point of view. And I don't share my opinion in order to disparage theirs. I share my opinion to emphasize this. Parenting is a job with enormous responsibility and there is no "one size fits all" model, even when you are talking about parenting Black kids. 

Being with my kids longer each day because of COVID19 has taught me a lot about their personalities. 

Daughter:  What I have learned is that my daughter is deeply sensitive, even though she has more than enough sass to give those mouthy 90's sitcom stars a run for their money. 

Older Son:  I have learned that my older son, who has had a Montessori education, profoundly believes in peace. And, he has a very gentle soul. He craves hugs and attention more than my daughter and an angry look can bring him to tears. 

The Baby: The baby has taught me that life is to be enjoyed. He steals every bit of joy from each moment. He laughs at the smallest things and gets the rest of us to do it too. That said, don't even think about taking his ice cream. That will turn his joy to rage in two seconds!

Mothers must give their children what they need, even in the midst of crisis.

To be clear, I am not an expert on child development generally. I just know my kids. They wake up every day full of joy and curiosity. Their largest concerns are whether they're going to fight with one another and whether that fighting will cause them to lose dessert. And, I like it. 

That said, I am not insulating them from the realities of the world. They understand the Civil Rights movement. They know that the world has discriminated against people like them based on their skin color. And, they are keenly aware that civil rights leaders like Martin Luther King, Jr. fought for their freedom. We have covered these things in the context of history and have revisited them as civil rights leaders like John Lewis have died. 

They were in the room when footage of the George Floyd murder and the protests came on. I answered the questions my oldest had. She wanted to know why everyone was upset and I told her that they believed that bad men killed him unfairly. She didn't push it and I didn't elaborate. Then, she asked if she could ride her bike. My middle child asked nothing, and the baby was completely oblivious. This interchange felt right to me. I felt no strong compulsion to shatter their innocence and penetrate their souls with the reality that systemic racism remains a present-day problem. That day will come. Right now, I'm just carrying that burden on my shoulders and letting them be kids for as long as I can. 





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