A Secret to Success as a Working Mom: Turn Burn Out Into Bliss and Embrace Joy

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Last weekend my youngest was committed to going to the "Water Steps" a man-made water fall in Pittsburgh by the rivers. (Fun Fact: Three rivers converge in Pittsburgh--The Ohio River, The Monongahela River, and the Allegheny River.)  He kept asking. I knew he was serious when he said, "If you won't take me, I'll ask  daddy!" Given that it was highly unlikely that would happen on an unscheduled day, I relented. So, we went. It wasn’t planned in the way most things in my life are. No calendar block. No checklist. No “productive” purpose attached. And, so in some respects it was uncomfortable. And yet, it seemed necessary. It was the idea of my 8-year-old—offered with the kind of urgency only children possess when something is profoundly important to them.
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K.I.S.S.

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About seven years ago I decided to commit myself to having authentic friendships. If you're not careful, it's so easy to go through the motions of friendship without really connecting.

Initially, I believed that authenticity required complexity. My friends and I would share and I felt this subtle pressure to offer some brilliant tid bit of advice.

They'd tell me that their boyfriends had said something stupid. I'd try to comfort them about looking at the good things they had experienced with him. I'd encourage them to be patient and understanding. I'd remind them that every experience contained a lesson. It couldn't just be that their boyfriend was an a--h--e who didn't appreciate them. There had to be some deeper meaning.

Another friend confided me that she had been laid off. After devoting herself to college, graduate school, and a career, she was let go without notice. She was devastated. I reminded her that everything happens for a reason and that there was a silver lining inside of every cloud. The answer couldn't be that she was working for a company that was poorly run or that she had failed to see the writing on the wall...

Recently, someone confided that her ex-boyfriend said something incredibly vile. He asked her whether she wanted him to apologize for not being in love with her. Despite having the gift of gab, I was at a loss about how to respond.

I had no platitude. I had no cliche. Indeed, I was instantly aware that nothing that there was nothing that I could say to take the pain away. It sucked. He sucked. And my friend was hurting.

I realized that there was nothing to say. I realized that my other attempts to make things better were also misguided. Sometimes you simply can't fix it. However, you have to do something.

I realize that sometimes the most authentic thing you can do. Indeed, the only thing you can do well, is just be there.

So, in the future, I shall try to resist the urge to instantly respond with some useless irrelevant comment. Instead, I'll simply listen and be there.
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Comments

Anonymous said…
The reason that you and so many others tend to give "tid bits of advice" when someone shares something is because very few people are comfortable with silence. And often it's in the silence that the answer lies. Being there is important; it's the most important thing because where 2 or 3 are gathered together, there is also Spirit. Dr. Ceily
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