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| Part of my mommy village |
“Being a mom has made me so tired. And so happy.” – Tina Fey
The above quote from Tina Fey captures motherhood in a nutshell. It is all consuming, absolutely overwhelming and completely worth it. Being a mom has pushed me to my limits emotionally and physically quite literally. I have delivered three babies vaginally and drug free. I am not bragging or detracting from any other mom's experience. This is simply the journey I have traveled. Years ago, I read an article about Thandi Newton's first child birth. It was both descriptive and provocative. Her
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| Part of my family village |
delivery was drug-free and seemed completely amazing. I vowed to deliver in the same way if I ever had the privilege of having a child. I am so glad that I did because I have been aware of the inextricable link between my children's lives and mine from the start.
Still, while this journey is extraordinary, it is fraught with uncertainty. (The new days of motherhood are described in detail
here.) I have needed the help of other women along the way to help me mother without fainting. And I am not alone. Other women help to uplift and support mothers allowing them to be the best moms they can be. So today, I am acknowledging that I have not done this alone--not one bit of it.
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| My mom and my kids |
This post is about my village--those women who help me, advise me, and show up to help when I've almost had enough.
“Whether your pregnancy was meticulously planned, medically coaxed, or happened by surprise, one thing is certain—your life will never be the same.” – Catherine Jones
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| My oldest daughter |
The Uncertainty of Motherhood Can Be Overwhelming Without Support
The uncertainty of motherhood begins as soon as you learn that you're pregnant. With the pregnancy diagnosis, the enormity of the responsibility you're undertaking hits you. All of a sudden, you go from being you, a person who is independent to being the host of new life. Being the host of new life means that your decisions are not entirely your own. What you eat, what you drink, and even the air you breathe has far reaching consequences. You do the best that you can, but even when you make the so called best decisions, you don't know if things are going to turn out the way that you want them to.
What I am saying is that from the moment I learned that I was going to become a mom I became plagued by uncertainty. And I needed some help. Fortunately, I was able to rely on my village.
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| My three kids |
So, you wait. You hope. And you pray--for the entire pregnancy. And because you can't drink alcohol, you eat a lot. That's why pregnant women gain so much weight. It's the nervous eating that accompanies being less active and having the biggest responsibility of your entire life that makes you eat. And nobody judges it because you are pregnant.
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| Our middle son |
Fortunately, I Have a Village Who Allows Me to Be a Better Mom
You also seek out advice from those who have traveled the path before you. And they become your village. My village includes members or my family, members of my community and my virtual support system, many of whom I have never even met in real life. My village makes it possible for me to raise this little humans that have been entrusted to me. When I had my kids, my mom moved in with us for a week or so to ensure that I had the ability to shower, sleep, and eat. As my family grew, she ensured that the other kids felt special too. Every time she left, I cried.
My extended village has been there too. It has given me supported me through this journey by being there for me to take my kid into camp when I was running late. It has given me advice about diaper rash, tips about summer camp, and validated my very existence. My village has listened to me when I thought I couldn't handle the pressure and they have laughed at my endless stories about the kids. And my sister and friends who don't have children remind me that I matter too like when my sister and I hung out for the
Super Bowl.
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| Our baby |
One surprising extension of my village has been a Facebook group that contain over ten thousand other lawyer moms called Law Mamas. That group embodies the universal experience of motherhood. Women in that group have sought advice from a variety of topics from intensely personal ones to lighthearted ones like fashion. The virtual support has manifested itself in real life ways too, members have sent one another ball gowns, allowed them to stay at their homes and even sent letters to their children who were having a rough time to show them that they are not alone.
The most surprising and reassuring part of being a mother has been the support of my village, this collection of women who are there for me in every imaginable way. Because of them, I am.
And to all of them, Happy Mother's Day!!!
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