My Comments About Jane Doe, Cornell, and the Thin Line Between "Fine" and Forever Changed

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Mothers, Daughters and Math May Not Mix...

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According to a recent New York Times article mothers talk less to their young daughters about math.  It goes on to say that our failure to do so causes our daughters to believe that they are less competent at math and ultimately underperform in math at school. 

Apparently the differences in how mothers interact with their sons and their daughters about math starts while they are toddlers.  Based on my experience, I have some thoughts about that.

I think that the parents above probably weren't emphasizing numbers with the girls because they were too busy telling them how pretty or cute they are. I imagine that when you're not focused on looks you do find other more meaningful things to discuss.


In our culture, being handsome as a boy is bonus. However, being pretty as a girl is emphasized and encouraged. It sounds like we need to teach our girls that they need to impress us with their smarts (counting, etc.) instead of merely charming us with their looks.


My daughter will be 17 months old tomorrow. Based on my observations, I think that parents, and everyone else, interacts differently with boys than girls.

I think that it is easy to be led astray if you are not careful. You've seen my daughter's photos, she is a cute little girl.  However, her looks will not determine her potential.  And at home we need to emphasize other things besides her cuteness. Especially since everywhere we go people fawn. 

I think that people fawn over babies in general.  But after a certain age it seems like people just want to compliment the little girls but choose to ask the little boys to "perform".  They ask them to give them five" or count for them. The girls learn that their appearance is most important. And the boys learn that they need to master a skill in order to be recognized.

I'm no expert.  These are just my observations.

What are your thoughts? Do you think that parents interact with sons and daughters different about math?

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/02/24/mothers-talk-less-to-young-daughters-about-math/#comments


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Comments

Diane said…
Well... in my house I never talked to my daughter about math because she was really good at it and always got her work in on time. With my son however, he is very good at it but I hae to badger him about getting his work done on time and handed in to the teacher. If that counts, then yes!

My daughter has always been very involved in activities and excelled at athletics. She is also very beautiful but we never fawned over her because of exactly the things you mentioned. We always tried to teach her to be beautiful on the inside, too... and she is!
12:56 AM
Christine @ MoreThanMommies.net said…
As a mom of four girls I can definitely say that the public at large compliments them on their looks and outfits and hair first (Which is irksome) and then there is sometimes a comment on their behavior. With regards to math, it is hard for me to speak comparatively since there are no little boys in this house. My girls seem to show an aptitude for the language and creative arts OVER math although I think that my school aged girls do have solid math skills. They are good students in general and we try to emphasize the importance of education and well roundedness. Of course we are saturated in "all things girl" over here despite my aversion to pink: It is difficult to shield my girls from what the world thinks they should be good at and/or enjoy. Regardless of their skills at math, or their affinity for pink nailpolish, the most important lesson that I've tried to imprint upon them is that "It's nice to be pretty. It's better to be smart. It's best to be kind." A thought provoking post, Chaton!
10:06 AM
Amy Renea said…
I think the quote: "It's nice to be pretty. It's better to be smart. It's best to be kind." is a great one. I think it kind of says it all...

As a mom of 3 boys, my challenges are different, but at some level I do believe it is ok to encourage girls to strive to look beautiful. Men should be encouraged to "do" and become providers. I believe men and women have natural roles that we are designed for in the family, and while I am a professional woman and think for myself (ask my husband!), our home would be chaotic if I tried to usurp his role as leader. I know it isn't a popular view, but I do believe that it contributes to the high divorce rate.

(I feel like I need to leave a note that I in NO WAY condone men being over dominant in a relationship, and certainly not to the point where they are physically or mentally abusive...I believe that men should be the leaders in a loving marriage partnership)
11:31 AM
Helen Spencer said…
What's interesting is that when they get to school (I have two boys aged 12 and 5) it's the girls who knuckle down and perform, wanting to please and do their best. The boys want to lark about and be 'cool'. Working hard is NOT seen to be cool. They need a good old fashioned kick up the behind to get going. I wouldn't worry about it at all, just show her all you can and watch her fly!
1:22 PM
Sean Marie said…
Okay, so I really truly am terrible at math. I will try and teach my daughter the basics when she's a toddler but by the time she's six I think she'll be better at it than me. However, I'm good at other subjects like English and language arts.

I guess subconsciously I have realized that little girls get more attention for their looks. I have two beautiful nieces and compliment them on things like smarts, creativity and good behaviour. I also have two handsome nephews and compliment them on how cute they are. I think there needs to be a balance between the two genders. Great post! You made some excellent points that I never really noticed before.
1:04 PM
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