"Sometimes you just have to cry in your closet." -Mom on the Today Show
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| Wearing the mask |
Working from home while social
distancing is hard, and it is not just because I have to wear masks for personal errands that make it hard to breathe. Social distancing means juggling my entire life all at the same time and that has been hard as hell!
My blog and
consulting has focused on being a working mom for the past ten years. Spoiler alert, my previous key to success has been compartmentalizing. The past six weeks have changed all of that. I am quite
literally providing childcare while fielding work calls, writing emails and
doing research. That doesn’t even count the time I spend teaching lessons
reviewing assignments and planning for the day.
It is bananas! My only saving
grace is that I know I am not doing this alone.
I don’t say that simply
because misery loves company. I say that because as an attorney and as a coach,
I get paid to help people find solutions to their problems. So, when I saw hardship
I used to have two thoughts. First, “What did you do to get yourself into that situation?”
Second, “How can we fix it?”
The Stressors of COVID-19 Aren't Due to Poor Planning
But this, can't be fixed. It is the new normal when working is required, but there is no option for childcare. And, I get that some people have grandparents who can step in. And, I applaud them. However, the rest of us shouldn't be compared to them because it is patently unfair. In a world where parents must work and schools and daycares are closed, life is surreal.
I don't say this to complain. I recognize others have it harder than I do. Still, the uncertainty is starting to get to me. The other night, I broke down. I broke down because everything that I arranged in my life to combat the stressors of life have broken down. Sure, I selected reliable child care, but that is unavailable. And yeah, I thought about my kids interests and selected enriching activities to stimulate them. However, that is shot to hell, because--social distancing. I opted for regular grocery delivery for the past two years to give me more time to be with my kids. And that has been disrupted because apparently the delivery system has been overloaded by the demand.
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Homeschooling
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In a word, my planning to maximize my joy and minimize my stress did not prepare me for the demands of this pandemic. And like everyone else, I am feeling it. Yeah, "I am OK", but my aspirations for mental health and personal fulfillment used to be higher than that. I craved safety, security and serenity. I worked so hard to achieve that. When obstacles arose like traffic or a spouse with a different point of view, I did what needed to be done to help me satisfy those cravings and those efforts worked.
Now, the path to satisfaction is much less clear. I still make the effort, but I am less clear about what the results will be. Still, I find that the effort is my only hope at cutting through the chaos. So, here I am working hard without any assurance of what the results will be. But that is where faith comes in...
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