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When I had my act together...
This post is about how I have already failed in the New Year. And it is not about how I failed to honor my new year's resolutions by eating too many donuts or failing to exercise. It is about how I succumbed to all of the working mom pressures and failed to honor a time honored holiday tradition. I am still processing that. However, I am extending the same grace to myself that I extend to others, and that is making all of the difference. Also, I am wondering if perhaps the Lunar New Year contains more promise...
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Last night I acknowledged on Facebook that I failed to send Holiday cards this year. I've done it every year for the past twelve years. after becoming a mom. and even most years before that. This past year though, I never made it happen. Of course I love my family as much as I ever did and love my friends too. I also enjoyed the comments I received from people who received the cards. Indeed, cards were the gift that kept on giving because I'd receive calls from people letting me know how much they enjoyed them.
Despite all of that, I didn't do them. There's not much to say about it, except this. Accepting this failure was a bit of an evolution for me. A lot happened in 2022 and the combination of them took me off of my "do it all" game a bit.
Excuses/Explanations for my Epic Failure
I completed a leadership program in 2022 at Carnegie Mellon University. It was a great program that was incredibly well done and caused me to grow personally and professionally. However, it contained classwork, homework and self reflection. All of those things are super awesome, but they do take time. And, time is the thing in my life that seems to be in limited supply on most days.
2022 was also the first year that I had responsibility for managing my expanded team. So, work become more intense and the responsibilities more significant.
I also had a series of disruptions in my personal life towards the end of the year. (For one example, click here.)
And, during the holiday season, in addition to our daughter dancing with Pittsburgh Ballet Theater in the Nutcracker like she has for some time, our older son played basketball. The basketball added another responsibility to our lives.
Between the above and creating for my kids, the holiday cards simply fell through the cracks. And although I experienced some relief from accepting that reality, I still feel regret. And I realize that the regret just doesn't come from letting down those who enjoyed the cards so much. The regret comes from deep inside me. It comes from the place that truly values capturing family moments and pausing to memorialize where my family is at a given moment and expressing my gratitude to those who lift us up by gifting them a card.
So, for those who were there for us last year, my colleagues who gave me grace and understanding, my family who picked up my kids and loved them when I either couldn't be there or missed the mark, for my social media contacts who reward me with likes and forwards (and money!), and for my friends--my dear friends--who listen to me, cry with me and laugh with me...thank you from the bottom of my heart!
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